ELKHART -- Family problems, personal crises, worries, fears, were always greeted with a shhhhhhh.
Jodi Kuhlman grew up in a restrictive family which caused her to float through her early adulthood, finding comfort in drugs and alcohol and in a marriage to an addict. A brutal assault and an escape to a women's shelter made Kuhlman realize she needed to change.
After overcoming substance abuse, she initially started crafting jewelry as a way to help a women's group home with expenses and then she enrolled in Soup of Success, a job training and life skills program run by Church Community Services in Elkhart.
There among the counselors and classmates, Kuhlman found encouragement and support but she credits her mentor, someone she met after graduation and still calls upon, with helping her remember an important lesson: "You can't do everything by yourself and just because you can't do everything on your own, you're not a failure."
The ingrained shhhhhh has not become a shout and sometimes the steps forward have been answered by steps backward. Still, Kuhlman said she has learned how to present herself in a confident and professional manner as she promotes her suitcase business String-A-Bling Jewelry by Jodi. While Kuhlman described how she learned the proper way to shake a hand, her mentor, Sueann VonGunten, reached over to give her new skill a test.
From the simple task of shaking a hand to the difficult work of listening without trying to force change, mentors provide the vital support that the Soup of Success participants need as they try to overcome poverty and self-doubt. Often, said Kathy Peterson, one of the mentor and graduate coordinators, the women have to replace the relationships they held for most of their lives with new, more positive ones to make the transition.
"You have to have people who keep interacting with you in a way that's nurturing," Peterson said. "Mentors are a big part of that."
The trust and compassion that develops between a mentor and mentee helps the woman when she graduates from Soup of Success and begins to find her own way without the daily dose of fortitude served at SOS. Since starting the mentoring program in 2004, a total of 63 mentor/mentee matches have been made and, of those, 15 are still active. The match between Kuhlman and VonGunten is the longest to date.
They meet for breakfast, they talk by phone and one time, Kuhlman to gave a jewelry-making workshop with the women's group at VonGunten's church. The first day of meeting the SOS participant can be the hardest for the mentor and, like VonGunten, the mentors question if they are doing their job right but many mentors soon tell Peterson they get as much out of the program as they give.
"It's worth the risk and it's worth the effort," VonGunten said.
A retired elementary school principal, VonGunten was mentored throughout her career by other women who encouraged her to achieve things she, herself, did not think she could do. She brings those experiences to her mentoring of Kuhlman as well as her deeply held faith.
"I'm the listener," VonGunten said. "It's not my job to make Jodi change. I'm there to walk with her on her path."
For her part, Kuhlman is trying to unlearn her childhood lessons of hiding her problems and putting on a happy face. She can still take months before working up the courage to share her feelings and doubts with VonGunten but it is becoming easier.
"I've shared some astounding things with Sueann," Kuhlman smiled, "and she's handled them beautifully."