Let's get one thing straight.
We have never, ever called Sarah Palin a quitter.
Perhaps a nitwit or some such.
Maybe, in a rare uncontrollable sexist-pig moment, even a babe.
But you dear readers have more than paid us back for any and all name calling done in this column over the years.
Remember the time one of you called me a narcissistic numbskull? That was my favorite.
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Here's the latest update on dried meat at the Dublin (Mich.) General Store, which bills itself as the home of World Famous Dublin Jerky.
We recently visited the store, which is south of M-55 between Wellston and Irons, and peered carefully ino the jerky case.
Hell Fire Beef still is one of the approximately 20 beef jerkys offered, and there are about 10 turkey varieties available, as well as various types of pork, chicken, venison, buffalo, elk and the "original ostrich."
Our favorite today probably would be Teriyaki Turkey Jerky. The name is kinda catchy.
Oh, by the way, crocodile and kangaroo are available since we last shopped, but they're not in the case. They'll ship 'em to you -- $22 a pound.
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Not sure whether area sweet corn was knee-high by the Fourth of July, but we're certain it wasn't as high as an elephant's eye, as the song "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" boasts in the musical "Oklahoma."
To save you the research time, we checked out the height of an elephant's eye.
Your average African elephant stands about 11 feet, so its eye would be about 10 feet from the ground.
An Asian elephant, on the other hand, grows to perhaps 9 feet in height, so its eye would be about 8 feet high.
Or, if you don't want to take our word for it, you could always put a tape measure in your pocket, rent an elephant, march it out to an Elkhart County cornfield and ... well, you get the idea.
STREAM OF SEMICONSCIOUSNESS
If you have a choice of Mexican, Italian, East Indian or just your everyday bacon and cheese potato skins at your favorite diner, take our advice. Order the latter ... From this day forth, anyone caught texting while operating a motor vehicle shall be required to write lol 10,000 times on the blackboard at the nearest elementary school ... No, I don't remember any of my coaches' halftime pep talks being particularly peppy -- or inspirational. With a little luck, I got a seat near the far end of the lockers where I could catch a nap ...
... Speaking of sports, every college coach who cheats at recruiting and every professional athlete who uses performance enhancing drugs should be sentenced to hard time on Devil's Island ... If you know nothing about Devil's Island, ask a member of the French Foreign Legion ... If you don't know a member of the French Foreign Legion, I guess you're out of luck ...
... Deb K. sent this "ponderism:" The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth ... A definition: eclipse -- what an English barber does for a living (submitted by vejamar) ... The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it ... I've seen the signs. I agree. Eliminate Property Tax ... Yes, it's still impossible to lick your elbow. Always has been, always will be ... jgillaspy@fedmed.com.
What someone said: "I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper."
(Comedian David Brenner)